there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
