i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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