The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
