Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
