Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
