Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
