I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
