whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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