dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
