I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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