I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
