He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How's work?
Spinning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
