i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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