There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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