can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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