I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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