I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
