wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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