Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
