there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
