i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
