im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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