Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
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Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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