there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
