dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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