I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I want to fling myself into the sun
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
