he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
