im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
