god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
