I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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