just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
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He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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