Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
