the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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