he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
