guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
