Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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