Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize