why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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