It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
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Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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