You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
