The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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