thus making me awesome and them whores
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
