are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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