I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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