I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
