very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
