Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
