JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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