i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
