i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The Olympian is in my bed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
