dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Two words: blizzard sex
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize