covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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