Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
