When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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