i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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