new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
