When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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