Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
too bad you live with your parents still
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
