Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
