Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
