It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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