jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
