Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
