Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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